OK, real quick – By a show of hands: How many of you knew I just joking around about discussing public urination? A lot of you, I hope. I need to watch my sarcasm, many of you might not know me too well and some of you met me for the first time after I stopped talking. I want to be clear about this: I will (probably) NEVER openly discuss peeing at the grocery store. I talk about my thoughts and everyday life pretty freely but I have to draw the line somewhere!

Instead, I’d like to talk about one of my favorite activities – eating! Luckily for me, I can still eat solid food and drink somewhat normally. I can’t do either of these things as well as I used to but ‘kinda’ is better than ‘not at all’. There are plenty of people out there like me, just Google’ing “Locked-In Syndrome” tells me that, I know of a few of them personally and I’m pretty sure they can’t eat either because their throat is paralyzed or their epiglottis doesn’t seal off their lungs properly. Whatever the reason, I am very fortunate and grateful that my stroke left that part of my body relatively intact.

Of course, nothing happens real fast after a stroke. I had a feeding tube long after mine and didn’t have anything by mouth for 3 months. (I have a feeding tube now but that’s by choice – I use it for daily meds and water.) Since my jaw and tongue don’t really work I can’t chew and eat regular food. For that reason, Jen purees almost everything that goes in my mouth – except for Jell-O and ice cream! Jen uses a special little blender to do that called the “Magic Bullet” (I always want to call it the “Silver Bullet” but that’s the nickname for “Coors Light”)

There are some limits to what I can eat – hamburgers, pizza, garlic bread, salad, cauliflower (rarely) – are all OK. Even pretzels and cake! Just a little chicken broth (savory) or milk (sweet) and I’m good to go. However, I haven’t eaten stuff like steak, M&M’s, peanuts, popcorn in a long time. They don’t puree. Speaking of peanuts, I know that once you’ve eaten one you’ve pretty much tasted them all, but what is it about those Cardinals brand peanuts in the red package that makes them so good? It probably has something to do with having them along with a few beers at the ball game. And popcorn – don’t get me started! I don’t know if it’s my favorite food or my favorite smelling food. All I know is that it’s practically torture when I roll past the concession stand at the theater when we occasionally go to the movies! Also, if you’re wondering, Junior Mints don’t puree either.

(Mildly) amusing anecdote: One time we were at my sister’s house for a family get-together like we do fairly often. Right after Jen finished pureeing my food and setting it on the counter, my niece came in from outside. She looked at the bowls of “food” and asked, ‘That looks good, is that dip?’ I’m glad she didn’t grab a carrot stick or Dorito to find out herself!

Like I said before, eating isn’t as nearly as enjoyable as it once was, but I’m fortunate to able to eat at all. I don’t know how people like the late Roger Ebert and others can even stand not being able to put any food in their mouths AT ALL.