There’s this one saying I kinda like, I don’t know exactly how it goes so I’m going to butcher it but here’s the gist of it: ‘Every poker game has a sucker, a mark. If you sit down to play and look around to spot the sucker but can’t – you’re the sucker.’ In my case the saying goes like this: ‘In every family there’s the “sensitive”, or “emotional”, one. If you have trouble figuring out who it is – then it’s probably you.’ Super. I always thought that title was held by one of my sisters but it’s not – it’s mine. Also great news. Why couldn’t I be the tall, good-looking one who’s really good at sports? Or the super-smart one who has multiple doctorates and works as a nuclear physicist or something? Oh well, what are you gonna do?

I’m a ton better between the ears nowadays than I was for a year or so after my stroke. I was pretty much a basket case then. I remember when I was still in the hospital and I would get upset at the drop of a hat – a kind word from a nurse, one of about 570 certain songs, a sappy TV commercial – all kinds of stuff totally weirded me out. Even thinking about a situation that could potentially make me emotional would get me upset! I felt bad for Jen and my family; they probably thought I was losing my mind!

One of the worst things about having Locked-In Syndrome and getting upset is that there isn’t anything you can do about it; you just have to let nature take its course. Once the floodgates are open – it’s run for the hills! There is no wiping your eyes with a Kleenex, or bowing your head down, or leaving the room – you’re basically stuck right there hoping that maybe 1 or 2 people in the entire room doesn’t notice that you’re bawling your eyes out. Did you ever see that show Dexter? It’s about a forensics lab technician/serial killer. Good show. Anyway, his victims end up being held down to a table with about 30 rolls of Saran Wrap so they can’t move a muscle. Kinda like me, I can’t budge either!
I can relate to those people (sort of) when I get all upset because I also can’t get away. The biggest difference between them and me is that I don’t end up taking a power drill to the forehead.

Like I said, I’m a lot better off now than I was six years ago but I’ve always been fairly “sensitive”. Put it this way, no one’s ever confused me with one of Clint Eastwood’s characters (think The Outlaw Josey Wales, not The Bridges of Madison County!)

1/27/07: Photograph of me leaving the hospital