I just finished creating the slides for our upcoming 5th Annual Trivia Night Fundraiser. What a job! That was the fun part though, the real work is in coming up with and writing the questions throughout the year. In fact, my question “bank” is pretty much cleaned out. I had trouble scraping together enough questions for the last two “Bottom of the Barrel” rounds. I can’t tell if the questions are real easy, real hard or just plain stupid – I’ll let you decide!

Don’t get me wrong, having one finger that sort of works is A LOT better than having none at all, but you can’t really over-estimate the value of having two perfectly good working hands. Back in the old days, I could’ve cranked this job out in about three days tops. Nowadays? Not so much. We’re talking six weeks or so. I have a little spreadsheet (of course) that lists all of the things we need to do for the TN. Jen and I still have plenty to do in the next three weeks but crossing this off the list was HUGE.

Now I can get back to doing important stuff like yammering away on this blog and watching Gold Rush. (Note: I think it’s a really good show but I’d much rather be the cameraman filming the other guy digging through 9 tons of dirt looking for an ounce of gold. Better yet, maybe I’ll be the guy in the big, corner office of the network’s headquarters in lower Manhatten deciding if the network is going to renew the show for yet another season. Are these clowns ever gonna hit the mother lode? Hit the jackpot? These imbeciles couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a boat! We should’ve gone with the Las Vegas pawn shop guys when we had the chance.)

Don’t you feel like poking the next person in the eye with something sharp that comes to you and starts complaining about this winter that we’re all experiencing together? Well, get your stick ready – I’m on deck. It’s not the cold weather that’s so bad, it’s just that this winter keeps dragging on. (How many times have you heard that?) It really doesn’t matter to me if it’s 4◦ or 64◦, I’m not going anywhere. I bet that I haven’t been outside for more than two minutes in a row in five months. Nothing against this kitchen, I’m glad we remodeled it a couple years ago and all, but you can count the decorative plates hanging on the wall above the sink only so many times. (If you’re wondering, I just checked 5 minutes ago for the 1,279th time and I’m pretty certain there’re still seven of them.) Besides, my summertime perch is just 8’ away – out through the back door right there and to the right – but it might as well be in New Zealand, I’m not going there any time soon either!

We have a pond out back that used to have 15-20 fish. The handful that are left still clinging to life, the 5 or 6 hard cases that haven’t succumbed to starvation and hypothermia yet, are probably out there cussing us out. I need to get Rosetta Stone: Goldfish and try to figure out what they’re saying about us.

I don’t know what gets under my skin more, this long and brutal winter or having to listen to Dave Murray chuckle and tell us about it with his evil grin. By the way, who told him that wearing a powder blue sweater vest would be a good look for him? I, of all people, should be kinder and more compassionate towards people with disabilities but having your color blind wife select your outfits for you to wear isn’t a great idea. Didn’t they realize that he’d probably be on TV that day?

The weather better break pretty soon, I’m still too young to be a crotchety old man, by then, of course, I’ll be on the front porch yelling at the neighborhood kids to STAY OFF MY LAWN!!