(sniff) Thank you, Jen. That was very well put together and superbly poignant. (What am I, a movie critic?!)

Anyway, back to the usual pointless drivel. Like I mentioned, I’ve been on vacation, kind of a guy’s weekend, with my good friends pneumonia and his evil twin fluid around lung (not the technical name). Whatever it’s called, I think the word “painful” should be in it’s name. Everyone has their ‘worst pain ever’ thing – kidney stones, childbirth , shingles, etc. This is mine, so far. It’s closely followed by cornea filaments and in a distant third is a moderately severe sunburn I got once. Oh wait, the panic attack stuff I talked about a week or so ago is up there – then the sunburn!

My big revelation: Surprise, surprise – staying in the hospital is very unpleasant. The pain or whatever that brought you there, the discomfort of being there, the lack of sleep due to constant interruptions, the persistent beeping of alarms, daytime TV, multiple IV lines in your arms, 4am blood draws – all make for a pretty rough experience. My big profound thought: When you really need one you can’t get to the hospital fast enough. Once in there, it’s the last place you want to be. Don’t you wish they could sedate you right after you get admitted, do their thing and treat you, and then wake you up upon discharge? It’d be like when you go to Jiffy Lube.

Speaking of pain and medicine, what’s the story on the hospital not doling out some serious pain meds my way? Isn’t the really good stuff at the hospital? I don’t get it. It’s not like I’m gonna go all Nurse Jackie on them and become an addict. Something about “not compromising my respiratory system any further”. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Respiratory, schmespiratory – I want morphine!! The strongest thing they’d give me was intravenous Tylenol. Giving a guy Tylenol who has a tube sticking out of his back is like giving him a lollipop and a pat on the head. Pretty useless. I even quit asking for it after 74 times.

That chest tube coming out of my back was put there to drain the fluid from around my right lung. It collected a little over 2 liters. I didn’t go to med school or anything but it sounds like a lot. Either way, I was pretty proud of it! It was this reddish, clear liquid that looked a lot like Cherry 7-Up but Jen says it didn’t taste anything like it.

Actually, we both really like that hospital. The doctors and nurses are awesome, the food is pretty good – especially if you really like mashed potatoes. Any time I’ve had to go there I wound up in the ICU. When you hear ‘ICU’ it kind of has a negative or scary sound to it (for good reason!) but if you’re not on death’s doorstep and if you have to be in the hospital anyway, it’s the only way to fly. Very low nurse to patient ratio.

I’m not too sure when we’re gonna blow this taco stand but I’m positive that we have some Oberweiss ice cream in our immediate future. I think we’ve both earned it!