We recently encountered a pretty severe snowstorm here in St. Louis that dropped a ton of snow on us and brought along some subzero temperatures. Do you know how I knew that? Because when I looked out the window the yard was completely covered with snow. Also, the little thermometer Gadget thing on my computer said it was -7◦. Know how else I knew? Because all of the local TV stations covered it for 96 hours in a row. Great, now I have to stay home, sit by the fire and binge watch my favorite TV shows from Netflix (DVD and Streaming). Oh wait I forgot, I pretty much do that every afternoon from about October through March.
One station had no less than 15 reporters spread out through the metropolitan area demonstrating to us, live on camera, how deep the snow was using a forearm and that ice on pavement is in fact – slippery. One guy gave his report while driving down the highway, practically tailgating a snowplow, using a dashcam and talking to us using a cell phone. I would never wish a traffic accident on anybody but on the other hand… a couple of 360’s and a little fender bender never hurt anyone and would have been hilarious. His words of wisdom: ‘The roads are terrible and the temperature is brutal so if at all possible – PLEASE STAY HOME!’ Thanks, I think I will.
If I owned or ran a TV station, the weather segment of the News would last no longer than 15 seconds:
Chip (the desk anchor): Thanks for that report, Maria. And now the weather… Arthur?
Arthur (the weather guy): Thanks Chip. Folks, it’ll probably snow. If it already did, then it might again. Plus, it’s gonna be cold for a while. Brrr! It’s St. Louis in January, what did you expect? Just accept it. And now, something more interesting – like Sports or something. Back to you Chip.
I might win an Emmy.
The funniest (or saddest) thing about this latest storm is that Dave Murray, the weatherman at channel 2, is away on vacation and completely missed it. He totally lives for this stuff. When there’s severe weather in the area, he smiles and practically trembles with excitement when he’s reporting it – he can hardly contain his emotions. ‘Folks, there’ve been reports of funnel clouds in the area and I’ve seen cloud rotation on the Doppler. If you’re in this storm’s path, you should go to the basement. If you are in a mobile home, slab house or can’t go to the basement, then you need to go to the center of the structure and kiss your ass goodbye. Mha! Mha! ( doing the evil laugh thing while rubbing his hands together up by his chin).’ You know he’s on a warm, sunny beach somewhere all bummed out and depressed thinking to himself, ‘Biggest weather event in 30 years and I missed it. Who needs these stupid palm trees and gorgeous sunsets anyway? I have snow, ice and subzero temperatures right in my backyard.’ Don’t worry guy, there’s plenty of winter left and the spring thunderstorms are right around the corner. Hang in there little buddy!
Speaking of an early warning, a couple years ago I tried to do the responsible thing and bought a weather radio. You know, one of those things that have a direct line to the National Weather Service and sound an annoying and high pitched alarm that is loud enough to wake the dead every time bad weather is in the area. Weather geeks like my brother-in-law like that stuff like that (I use the word ‘geek’ in a loving and caring way!). Hey – everybody likes to get their geek on in their own way. I, for instance, record NOVA on PBS each week on the DVR. I get it, not everyone’s cup of tea. This week’s episode explores the possibility of life on other planets – I can’t wait!
Anyway, back to the weather radio. It would sound the alarm, alerting us and our neighbors, every time there was a flood watch in Franklin County or high winds in High Ridge. Needless to say, we both got tired of being awakened from a deep sleep to find Jen clutching onto the ceiling fan pretty quick. I’m sure there was a way to set it so that it was sensitive only to weather that might affect our location but that probably involved reading the directions and performing 3 or 4 slightly complicated steps. Who has room for that kind of trouble in their lives? So we just unplugged it and threw it in the basement with the other Misfit Toys!
lockedinjim 
Hahahaha! Oh, Jim. Never change. That had me cracking up in a public place.
To Everyone reading Jim’s blogs (and comments). Jim’s Christmas gift from me this year was a shirt that reads “Relax. I’m hilarious.”. Need I say more? He is how we keep our sanity.
It’s St.Louis it’s winter it’s cold (below zero) it snows (10 inches) we have ice. What else is new. Oh yeah next week it will be 50. Winter in old St. Loo.
Jim, you are so right! Don’t you just love it when they actually extend their morning report to discuss the weather even more ‘in depth’??!! Geez! Thanks for the laughs Jim!!
Jim, you have made my day. I love your “good sense” and your sense of humor. Hope to you all next week.
Pat
Jim, you hit the nail right on the head. It snowed and it’s freezing, we believe them without having to see all the newscasters dangerously placed next to the snow and ice covered highways. Poor old Elliott Davis was on the side of Hwy 70, not knowing the camera was on him, he wiped his nose with his glove and then inspected the DNA left on the glove before he began his report.
I agree with Ellen – I was reading this at work and laughing so hard that I’m sure Marsha wondered what I found so amusing about my new project – LOVED IT!!
I love the way they take up camp at Foristell Truck Stop waiting for the first flake.
Good job, Jim – thanks for the laugh!!
Loved this entry. Same thing here in Columbus.
Your description of Dave Murray was spot on!! You should have left your NOAA radio plugged in because you missed the best- an amber alert they carried last spring at 10pm describing the make, model and license plate # of the get away car !!! I couldn’t figure how that had anything to do with the weather but then I thought maybe they were warning us about a full moon overhead !!!
Jen, You have got to be married to the funniest guys I have ever known! I believe he gets his wit from his Dad. It is ALL true about weather reporters, enough is enough sometimes!!! Thanks for the laughs, Jim!
I’m a few days late with this comment (cp is sick at cp hospital) but I had to add how much Bill and I enjoyed your perspective on the weather. You made us laugh so much! The visual of Jen clutching the ceiling fan was to funny! Thanks Jim for your spin on weather. Your hired!
Great stuff as usual Jim. How about when a sporting event gets interrupted for a T-Storm brewing in Perry county or some other godforsaken place. Thanks for laughs, keep it coming!!!
So true. It gets a little old watching non-stop weather coverage every time we have “severe” weather in the area. We usually end up switching to HGTV.
Beth,
We like HGTV too! I know I’m getting old when I’m thinking I should DVR Kitchen Crashers and Property Brothers. I’m totally hooked on House Hunters, too. I like when the announcer says ‘…so-and-so are a newly married couple looking for their first home. Their Wish List includes a 3-car garage and a swimming pool. Their max. budget is $475,000…’ and they’re barely thirty years old. I mean, who are these people and what alternate universe did they come from?!
Jim
Oh my gosh Jim! I am cracking up reading this blog entry. Keep up your wonderful sense of humor. Miss you and Jen!