No, actually and unfortunately I’m wide awake. I don’t mean to be rude but I just want to close my eyes. Not because I’m tired or anything, I get plenty of sleep, but since I have pretty bad double vision it can get fairly annoying, it’s more comfortable if I just close my eyes frequently. It’s not all bad. For instance, when we go to the show I get to see two movies for the price of one! Besides, I kind of got this whole stoner/statue/narcoleptic impersonation thing going on so my eyes are usually half closed. (I double-checked the definition of that word – I was so afraid I’d confuse it with kleptomaniac or necrophiliac. Eww, gross!)

In addition, my eyes get itchy and watery several times a day, usually right when I wake up. Since I can’t wipe them myself, just keeping them closed gives me some relief.

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually fallen asleep while sitting in my chair during the day. It isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world. La-Z-Boy doesn’t make wheelchairs, I checked. I will say, though, it’s gotten better the last few years. Either that, or I’ve just gotten used to it! It used to be that I was only good for a few hours before I’d get very uncomfortable and my joints stiffen up.

When I do doze off it’s usually when I’m in the van waiting for Jen at the store. This ticks me off because while I’m sitting there sawing logs, the book that I’m almost always listening to just keeps playing in my ears, the story waits for no one. When Jen finishes shopping and returns to the van, waking me up, she has to “flip back” the pages of my book and rewind it some. Together we try to find the spot in my book when I fell asleep. Easier said than done. Uh, that sounds sorta familiar. Let’s try there.

Actually, I’m not a chemist
So, the other day I get an email from this guy I know from whom I’ve never before received an email. Hmm, what’s this? It turned out to be an invitation to join his network of professionals, office workers, etc. on a website called LinkedIn. I’m not a total caveman, I’d heard of this site but I’ve never actually used it before. Apparently it’s a lot like Facebook for adults with grown-up jobs who aren’t too concerned about what you’re having for lunch or who you’re taking to prom. (Facebook is another site I wasn’t too familiar with until my sister recently took a trip to Ireland – great pictures! Seriously, how did we all survive the dark days before the internet?)

Back to the email. It sounded harmless enough so I figured, What the heck?, and clicked “OK – Join Network”. It then took me to the LinkedIn website and since I’d never used it before it had me set up an account and user profile. Now, this is where I got into trouble. I was a little bored at the time and I thought it’d be sort of fun to make up a fake identity for myself. In my defense, who wouldn’t want to have a doctorate in biochemistry from Northwestern University?! I don’t mean actually earn the degree, I mean just have one. After my “educational and professional achievements” were saved, it showed me a page containing forty or so people to which I had some connection. I see some of the people pretty often but I haven’t seen a lot of the people since high school. It was a little on the creepy side. Facebook does that too. Somehow “they” just know who I was mildly acquainted with 30 years ago. Spooky.

“Click OK to continue”. Sure, why not? Click. Congratulations! Your profile is complete and an invitation has been sent to these 43 people to join your network. Uh-oh, what’d I just do? I got my answer the next day when a friend of ours emailed Jen and asked, ‘Since when is Jim a “Self-employed Chemist”?’ Um, since never. Whoops, busted! Guess I better be more careful when screwing around on the internet. I’m just glad I didn’t say I was a “crystal meth dealer” or that I was in “homemade quilt sales”.

I was always taught that I should have a pretty good idea what the fine print says before signing my name on the dotted line, I guess that same advice applies to “Click OK to Confirm and Continue”!